Say What You Mean

If the fictional heroes of Batman and Superman can resolve their fundamental philosophical differences to work together, surely most people can share their views and build bridges without it ending up in a shouting match. Don't cha think? And it all comes down to one simple real life skill. Conflict resolution.

How have we suddenly lost the art of conflict resolution (CR)? Its gone for 90% (that's a made up number) of the population. Remember when we could walk up to someone and say what we mean without it coming off uncomfortable, passive-aggressive or just downright aggressive? Maybe CR disappeared with chivalry, but I think its the invent of internet conversations - we'll include email in there too - that has nailed its coffin shut. As such, lets address written CR first.

Here is the problem and it happens a million times a day (another made up number). Someone writes a thought. Lets say, at the very least, its meant for response. Could be an email, an invite or maybe even a political blog. You disagree with the thought or premise, so what do you do? Well, if you are like most Americans, you go black or white.

White: No response. You don't say anything. You don't want to be rude. You don't want to cause a fuss. Fill in the blank, but you think that makes you nice.

Black: You kill a fly with a bazooka. Your response is literally meant to maim or kill someone who incidentally offended you. Sometimes this is simply a lack of commonly shared values that leads to the offensive moment, but the effect is much the same. You're that truthful person and you're proud of stating the TRUTH.

So, what is the other option? Gray. Gray is a lovely color, don't you think? So how do you answer Gray?

Gray: Lets address the "Don't Rules" of gray before we address the "do rules."

1. Don't tell the other person they are wrong.
2. Don't call them stupid.
3. Don't attack them personally

I think if people just followed those three simple rules, "Do Rules" would be superfluous. But for the sake of argument, lets take a look

1. Share your opinion as if you were sharing it for the first time (instead of as a response)
2. Only say something if you'd be willing to say it with that person standing there
   
3. Comment positively on their opinion, even if its only their right to make it.

I don't want to get too deep here, but jot those down in your Citizen Hero Notebook and see how it goes. Sharing your opinion doesn't have to be confrontational or a fight. It can just be an exchange of ideas.

I always remember a quote from a church video as a kid. It said, "I'm not trying to convince you that what I think is right. I'm just sharing what works for me." Well said.

We'll make today's blog short in the hopes that more people will take it to heart and try to share more opinions with less aggravation. Share your thoughts with the world!

Responsibility and Entitlement

If you have read my past blogs, you might know my wife and I used to have three dogs. One of them was from a bad background and had temperament issues. While a very sweet dog, he would get very nervous about new people. Strangely, baseball caps made him completely nuts. As we were expecting our first child, we struggled and debated as to risk our baby to the mercurial moods of this dog and the impact of the other dogs as well. Eventually, an opportunity came to adopt all three dogs out without a danger of a humane society putting them to sleep. While this was an extremely difficult decision, it was the right one. Later on down the road, we had some complications with the pregnancy and had to live with very giving friends of my wife’s family for the last three months of our pregnancy. After that, we were able to rent out our house in Arizona and rent another place in Utah. That too would have been impossible with three dogs. In short, the right choice was the very hard choice.

Which brings me to my point (and I do have one, folks!) - responsibility and entitlement. During our years with our dogs and now, with a new baby, we are constantly stuck not being able to do certain things. It’s pretty intuitive what I’m talking about. Whether its children or animals, if we don’t have means to have someone baby sit our brood or have a “brood friendly” event, then we don’t go and (Here’s my point! Here’s my point!) we are responsible for that. During the early years with our dogs, we struggled with the sense of entitlement that comes with wanting to eat our cake and have it too. We would invite people over and have to put the dogs outside. We would want to go someplace and not be able to go as it was too long without someone checking in, or we were unable to get someone to house sit them for a bit.

With a baby, it’s about five times more challenging. Understand the life benefits far outweigh the challenges, but an event has to be baby friendly or we need to have a sitter. If those fall through, we can’t go. We are trying to remember that these are our problems. In years past, we would often struggle with the natural thoughts that the “Non-us” friendly event was someone else’s oversight, ignorance or selfishness. Truth is, it is always our issue. We choose our life and that comes with certain responsibilities. None of us, not me, not any one of us, has built in entitlements. Every day we earn what we get and need to be respectful of others. We’re never perfect so these questions should reflect inward for application.

This came up today in a very innocuous way, but I’m taking this opportunity to remind myself to remember to be self reflective on this issue. So, repeat with me. “I am responsible for my life choices. I am not entitled to impose those choices on others.” Repeat as needed.

Quantum Commitment Patterns

One of the most uncanny experiments in quantum physics proves that merely by watching something, you actually affect it. Check this out to see exactly how.
Quantum Experiment -

Cool, huh? Now. if only reporters could learn to be so smart. What am I talking about? I'm talking about the media being directly responsible for a large portion of the economic hardship we are going through. Yes, I'm talking about the media doing anything but enhancing our lives ... once again.

Sorry I don't have a fancy video for this, but its fairly easy to illustrate. Ask yourself, "How does the stock market work?" Basically, it works by opinions and rumor. People say or believe a stock will go up and everyone buys it. If people say a stock will plummet, people dump it quick.

So what happens when every news source says Wall Street and the world economy is in the tank? People go, in droves, to take their money out of play. Their observing and reporting effects reality, in spades. Quantum Reporting in action.

What is the alternative? Well, I'm not sure we are ready for the alternative as it is a little radical. To see the alternative, we have to understand why our system works as it does. We live in, what I'll term, Hyper-Time Reality. Hyper-Time Reality can be defined as reality that happens all at once to everyone (who elects to be plugged in). All at one time, you are experiencing the reality of talking with your friends, listening to the University game, checking the internet for the latest gossip and watching National News. All four are your reality. We, in essence, experience it all in the present. This is a very odd way to live as our brains were invented before we could tap secondary and tertiary sources of input.

This Hyper-Time Reality principle actually creates interference with our lives in a number of ways. We'll only go into one here but there are many others. In our example, if someone tells you and a million of your friends that a business your invested in, is failing, what do you do? You pull your money out and fast! Because you know those million other people heard it too! You don't want to be the last one to pull your money out or you'll get whatever is left over, if anything. That's how we live now. Technology has made us slaves to any variation that occurs in any of those realities in which we simultaneously exist! Trippy, huh?

So, the alternative? What if we (and I know this is even "trippy-er") promise to honor longer term commitments to our reality? Personally, we would commit to allow our resources to work for the companies we hope would make it for a set period of time, and not until times get rough or a better offer comes along. We would not walk away from mortgages because we have to tighten our belt or even get a second job to honor our commitment to the bank. And since we know we could not walk away, we would not get into short term financing structures that we can't afford when the note comes due. The bank wouldn't even offer them! In short, we would not live on money or terms we cannot afford.

As journalist, we would honor our long term commitment to a "better reality" (for lack of a better term) and report with a positive bias. They would support what we should be doing, not only what they see happening. The journalists might cry out, 'But that's not unbiased journalism!" To which I say, "Wake up, guys. There is no such thing and that flushing sound you hear is your daily unbiased reporting sending our economy down the toilet."

Reporting on an event effects that event. Those niave enough to belive otherwise need to watch the Quantum Experiment again. And all of us need to consider what we say and do, and (it stands to reason) what we think, as what is in our heads is the beginning of all action.

The News is Bad For You

I'm going to put something out there and I'm not sure everyone is going to like it. Okay. Ready? Stop watching the news. There. I've said it and its a very important step to living an exciting and enlightened life.

Why stop watching the news? The simple answer is, "it's bad for you." Think about what is on the news: Murders, arson, robberies, etc.. Things you think you need to know about. Actually, you don't.

Lets walk through this together and see if you agree with me. So, you're watching the 10 o' clock news and a story comes on about a murder across town. Or better yet, lets say its in your neck of the woods. What do you do with that information? First, there is a sinking feeling that someone has lost their life. Then a moment of "I need to be careful!" Then onto the next story. So far, its really not affecting you to deeply ... or is it?

In our example, what do you do with that information? Nothing. Nor can you. If you want to know what parts of town to avoid, the news will not tell you, because it reports crimes seemingly at random. Look at spotcrime.com but even that is a pretty poor way to see where to go and not to go. So all in all the news doesn't help you in the least. Oh for the weather people out there, go to Yahoo, Google, wherever - weather reports are plentiful. Don't use that as an excuse to let them ding away at your sense of freedom and security.

Now, since the news doesn't help you, lets see how it harms you. A report in Psychology Today found out that our brains were invented before television (big news, right?) BUT, as such, our primal brains see the TV as a window not a delivery system. This means, when they are showing you a crime scene or an arson, your brain (along with the logic centers that tells you this is real and not a movie) informs you that this is a "real and present danger" to you. After all, its right outside "your" window! Really. Its true. This is how your brain works. Want proof? Talk to an old person who sits around watching the news and listen to them tell you how dangerous the world is. Or better yet, watch the news (just for this experiment, mind you) and notice the feelings you get when you see a drive by shooting. Admit it. You think, "There but for the grace of God, go I."

The pure and simple truth is, you can focus on the positive things in this life, or focus on the negative, ie, the news, but not both at the same time. The truth is, unless you are involved in a dangerous occuspation or activity (such as crime) you are not likely to be shot. Even if you are, watching a news story about someone else will not lessen your chances of being shot.

Some might say I'm advocating ignorance. On the contrary. I fully support you being aware of your surrounding, practicing safety at home and on the street, carrying a stun gun or whatever your local laws allow and generally being a very helpful and friendly citizen watch member in your community. The news cannot help you with any of these things. The news will make you scared and defensive toward your fellow men. The news is bad for you.

Now, what do you watch instead? Well, if you need to watch anything, make it entertaining or informative on a positive level. Im not advocating the avoidance of scary movies or action movies. On the contrary, for most people, these are good fun! You know those are fiction, and in fact, many studies claim they get you a good cathartic "scare" that allows your primal brain to exercise its fight or flight functions in a safe and secure environment. Or watch sit coms or ... I dunno ... go out and do something else entirely. All I know is the news is bad.

So, yea, I'm advocating not watching the news. Not only that but tell others about this if you agree. They'll agrue possibly, but in a friendly and cooperative tone, let them know why you think they might lead a happier and better life if they just watched something else.

I do have one caveat to this advice and that's morning shows. Morning shows are great. No murders, no robberies. Just what's going on in the world. That's my two cents on the news.

What is The League of Citizen Heroes

Many people have asks what is the basis for The League of Citizen Heroes. To this end, we have started a blog and we'll do our best to answer your questions. Starting with the very basics which will be this post. Enjoy!

The League of Citizen Heroes (LOCH) has developed an exciting and positive approach to community involvement centered around the inspiration and ideals of superheroes! Superheroes are instrumental in our story telling, and our view of right and wrong. They have infused their reality into our cultural mindset. LOCH is the next step in this evolution and breaks the comic barrier, bringing heroism to the street in the form of programs geared around the concept of super heroic service. The programs created by LOCH are impactful, wide-ranging and a lot of fun to be involved with. LOCH’s three basic principles translate directly into our grassroots programs.

First, we believe all people have the Heart of a Hero if allowed to show it. This principle is the cornerstone of all Citizen Heroes programs. All our projects are driven primarily from this simple concept, and the more we know, the more we are sure this is true.

Second, we think communities should help police themselves in a responsible and affirmative fashion. We take this principle to the streets with one of our programs, The Citizen Watch, our community policing effort. The Citizen Watch is the next advancement in a watch program. It differentiates itself by the unique access to social networking and community awareness resources, such as promoting block parties, having web access to your local Citizen Watch logs, etc...

Third, we believe children need positive role models rooted in their areas of interests. Our Kid Heroes program capitalizes upon our unique position by demonstrating the “right thing to do” using real life super heroes! Kid Heroes hits schools and community programs with assemblies showing kids the great benefits to living with the Heart of a Hero everyday. Every group of Kid Heroes consists of four to six actors and a genuine, inspirational superhero.

And to bring it all together, we have a social organization within LOCH. We call it Company C. Company C brings block parties, social engagements, and community opportunities to each and every program in a way that amplifies its affect. Citizen Watch programs receive organizational help to assemble block parties. Citizen Heroes can meet and swap stories at one of our Citizen Hero get-togethers. Kid Heroes can participate in fund raisers and other opportunities to show their Heart of a Hero.

One of the keys to the excitement surrounding LOCH is Citizen Prime – LOCH’s unique real life superhero. He represents you, me, and every good citizen. His armor, mask and cape help us identify the Heart of a Hero within ourselves. As a super heroic presence Citizen Prime, along with The League of Citizen Heroes, makes the world a more colorful, exciting place to live.
Another way LOCH is different form your standard non profit is LOCH is very in tune with the ideas and proposals of its members. Programs are being established involving our Citizen Hero’s own unique talents and interests. One example is fictional webisodes and graphic novels. These are based on an alternate “Prime-Verse” where Citizen Prime and his allies have real super powers!

All our LOCH programs are freely available to anyone who feels they might have The Heart of a Hero. To date, no other organization has created such a fun and inspirational way to get people of all ages involved in volunteerism. Although, superheroes are uniquely American in origin, they have spread across the world and inspired millions of people through books, movies and radio. Finally, superheroes have broken the comic barrier and we can use their inspiration to identify the Citizen Heroes among us.